There is something special about Mother’s Day — a time to pay tribute to the person who provided loving care and encouragement through the ups and downs of life.
My mother passed a number of years ago, but it seems like only yesterday I was sitting by her bedside, holding her hand, as she took her last breath in her earthly home.
This year, Mother’s Day will be quite different as we are still in the midst of battling COVID-19. If my mother was still here for this Mother’s Day, I don’t know how I would respond. I hope I would follow the guidance of Public Health — as hard as that would be — and not visit her in person and possibly expose her to the virus’ horrible effects. Not only was she 89 when she passed, but she suffered from asthma for many years, which would have placed her at higher risk.
So what would I do for someone I loved beyond description in a year when Mother’s Day celebrations are anything but typical?
First, I would try and make every day “Mother’s Day.” My mother was always the first person I called after work each day. I loved hearing her voice and enjoying an amusing memory or two. I loved her laugh. We had our serious moments, too. I often sought her advice even when I was well into adulthood.
Second, I hope I would have not only sent her a card and signed my name to its preprinted text, but also taken the time to have written a meaningful message. Hopefully I would have thought to include a recent photo of my sons, as she dearly loved her grandchildren.
Third, hopefully I would have contacted a florist to deliver flowers to her home, explicitly requesting that they be left safely on the porch. Her favorite flower was a rose and was reflected in a saying she often shared with me, “The fragrance of roses stays on the hand of the one who gives them away.” The giving of flowers was an important gesture in my family, as my dad always reminded me to give flowers to the living — and I’d hope my purchase would help a local florist during these tough economic times.
Because my Mom was not one to use a computer and did not have Internet, a Zoom or Skype virtual visit would not have been possible, making all of these other actions even more important in order to show my gratitude.
Perhaps you’ve noticed that I prefaced much of what I said with “hopefully.” I confess that I wasn’t always that conscientious as a son — although in hindsight I wish I had been.
For those who are fortunate enough to have mothers or grandmothers still living, please don’t miss the opportunity to share with them how very much they mean to you. Keep them safe while doing so, but be creative, proactive and genuine.
While I no longer have a Mother to call and wish “Happy Mother’s Day,” I do have a wonderful wife (mother of my two sons), a self-sacrificing mother-in-law and a loving sister, who is quarantined in an assisted living facility in Florida. I also have friends and neighbors who live alone and have no family.
I am especially struck by the loneliness and anxiety that those in long-term care facilities must feel when, by executive order, families are not allowed to visit. We must be thankful for all that these facilities are doing to help families remain connected and to provide loving care in their absence during this time of COVID-19.
At the Chatham County Council on Aging, we also hear expressions of isolation and loneliness during our friendly check-in calls with participants. Such emotions are very complex and quite real and demonstrate how important it is to stay socially connected with one another while maintaining physical distance.
One senior shared her thanks for our call: “Thank you so much for calling; makes me feel like I have had some company!” Another remarked, “Bored to tears and afraid.” Maybe most touching was this one: “Never missed the well until the water goes dry.”
Maintaining social ties with family, friends and community has a powerful effect on one’s physical, mental and emotional well-being. That is why it is so vitally important to reach out to family, friends and neighbors.
Unfortunately, we understand that not all seniors and their families enjoy loving relationships. Therefore, the Council on Aging joined with the Chatham County Department of Social Services and the Chatham County Sheriff’s Office in asking the Chatham County Board of Commissioners to proclaim Vulnerable Adult and Elder Abuse and Exploitation Awareness Month — to begin on Mother’s Day and extend through Father’s Day.
As noted in the Commissioners’ resolution, “research shows that abuse, exploitation, and neglect (self and caregiver) of vulnerable and older adults all remain grossly underreported” and affect people of every social, economic, racial and ethnic background.
In signing the proclamation, Commissioner Chairman Karen Howard called upon all in Chatham County to observe this month by “honoring and respecting vulnerable and older adults, helping prevent abuse and exploitation, and taking steps otherwise to promote their well-being.”
It is incumbent on all of us to find appropriate ways to celebrate Mother’s Day — and especially honor all those who are protecting our community during this challenging time.
Dennis Streets is the Executive Director of the Chatham County Council on Aging.