The “P” word?
There’s a word I’m hesitant to use for fear of scaring people off — polarization. In fact, when I see the “P” word in a news story, I contemplate heading for the exit myself. It-is-just-such-a-polarizing word. Viscerally, I find myself reacting as I would to a charged four-letter word except … It doesn’t have four-letters.
Guess you might like a few more specifics? OK. I will, however, stay far away from anything resembling politics — I don’t want you heading for the exits either. But, returning to the “P” word.
Every neighborhood seems to have its share of tug-of-wars regarding “This is how MY neighborhood should be.” Particularly in areas where neighborhoods have been built adjacent to more rural lands, there’s the age-old tussle between, “It’s my land and don’t tell me what to do with it!”, and “Hey, let’s discern the common needs in the “hood.” This is often where the “polarizing” word enters the picture.
In these stand-offs, unhappy words are exchanged. Yes! No! Escalation! Cutting dead those who don’t agree with you. And the different sides harden, becoming entrenched camps. Pretty soon, the behavior of being “downright neighborly” bounces off each faction as it would the highest grade Teflon. (Frankly, I prefer my Teflon in frying pans.)
Just outside the bounds of my covenanted neighborhood, but still, part of our larger community, is a family who were among the earliest home builders. Having grown up in a rural area, their values tended toward a deep desire for privacy, translated into trying to keep all pedestrians off the road running by their house. BUT the road led to a park. All cars could freely enter the park.
Yes, the last tiny bit of road was private, but owned by several other signatories, including the family intent on maintaining their privacy. The other homes stayed out of this years-long stand-off (and I can’t say I blame them!). Most pedestrians, bikers and runners, were rebuffed with cursing and off-the-leash biting dogs. In my case, after walking my pup there, a County Sheriff came to my door to apprise me I would be arrested if I did that again! (Arf, Arf!!)
The matriarch of this family seemed to be central to their deeply held value of maintaining privacy. Several times, she gave me the “finger” when driving-by while I was out walking on the street. I’m a peaceful sort, but unfortunately, in one instance, an accompanying neighbor returned the “finger” which only made things worse. (Downright neighborly? Nope.)
Time passed. (It’s amazing how that happens.) Aging occurred in that family (and in me.) The biting dogs crossed the rainbow bridge and eventually other neighbors became free to walk, run, or bike that beautiful, wooded, bit of road. Such a sigh of relief.
Very, very unexpectedly, I had an interaction with the now, older, matriarch. About 13-14 years had passed since the County Sheriff and ”giving the finger” incidents. It was clear that she found my face familiar, but didn’t seem to place me among the former pantheon of folks trespassing on the street. (Whew!) While chatting, she made a comment about having more difficulty doing tasks that had formerly been easy for her. Oh, I’ve so been there! Such an opportunity for bridging an old chasm. So, yes, I leaped onto that bridge. Ultimately, two good people (with different values) had a friendly conversation about aging and being kind to ourselves as our bodies and minds change.
After so many years of the ol’ polarization word, we approached “downright neighborly” in those few moments. Of course, it’s very possible that she might still recall my past “offenses.” But, heck, whatever the outcome, I’ll wave to her on the street and keep planting neighborly seeds, well, because “why not?”
By the way, ALL-season planting is highly recommended for “downright neighborly” seeds …
Jan Hutton is a retired hospice/hospital social worker who believes in living life with heart and humor. She has happily lived in Chatham for 20 years